Birthdays make me grumpy. They always do. It's not a matter of getting old, just brings out the idea of doors being shut, paths that won't be taken, things missed. Another year has become solid, stagnant, and it's potential marvels are gone. And I'm still human, still the same ghost-ridden person, even if I fly a pod and just a year ago I was a monk. I'm still me.
To worsen yesterday's birthday, today is PIE's which has just reached its first decade. So birthdays, years going back and forth, and such seems to be wherever I look. I can't escape it. So, no surprise I'm grumpy today.
But a strange thing happened at the end of the day. Zsaryna Adrelana apologized for our fight a few days ago, and offered to share intel on the matter. I'll copy the logs later on. But it's strange, in a sense, we've both walked a very similair path: service to the Empire in the Navy, until we both got burned out. And yet, the outcomes are completely different: while I understand the blame is on me and my own failures, she decided the blame was not on her and her officers but with the Empire in general. Thus, my loyalty never dicreased, and hers vanished.
In a way, it's like looking to the mirror and seeing what could have happened if the choices had been different. Like a quick peek into what those closed doors of years past could have held. Disturbing, interesting, strange...
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